The Squad Thanksgiving Spectacular
It's that time of the year again, and the Squad is coming together to celebrate Thanksgiving again! This time with three Thanksgiving-related stories... well, one of them is. The other two are extremely loosely related but, come on. It's Thanksgiving, there's not much material. Anyway, LET'S GO! Chapter 1 - Minion: Impossible Part 1: Bananafinger It was Thanksgiving morning, and the Squad was downstairs gathering around the TV to watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. “I can’t wait to see all of the daddy parade floats!” BJ said, excitedly. “Yess, especially the minion balloon!” JS said. “HOT!” Everyone shouted around them. “You know, I’ve always wanted my own Minion Balloon… imagine…” NC said. Everyone began to fall into a deep daydream; the Minion Balloon was flying around, with BJ and JS crawling into it’s foreskin, Moch and Comp hiding in its warm and moist cavern, and with NC piloting it through the world. However, their daydreams were soon interrupted by grim news. “This year will be a special one for the parade, as it’s the last one we’re using the Minion Balloon in!” Said one of the parade announcers. Everyone in the Squad gasped in horror. “Ah well. What’s gonna happen to it afterwards?” Asked one of the other announcers. “We’re giving it to our newly hired resident balloon destroyer, Faves.” The camera cut to the infamous Faves, sharpening an axe to destroy the Minion balloon with. Everyone gasped in horror once again. “Well, good for him! Now back to our musical performance coverage…” Moch turned off the TV before they could continue. “They’re going to destroy the minion?! THAT’S TERRIBLE!” Shouted JS. “No… not minions…” Randal cried. “No… we can’t sit around and let this happen.” NC said. “Well what can we do?” Comp asked. NC sat down and said dramatically, in his best Nicholas Cage impression… “I’m going to steal the Minion Float in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.” “But how?” Moch asked. NC leaned close and whispered into her ear. “Call another Minion Chat meeting…” NC whispered. Moch gasped; they haven’t called one in years. But she knew what to do. Moch went into her room, pulled out her Minion plush, and pressed a secret button on it. Alarms went off on BJ, JS, Moch, NC, and Comp’s phones, and they all gathered in the bathroom. “Are we all here?” BJ asked. Everyone nodded. Together, they climbed into the bathtub and pulled down the shampoo as a secret lever. The bathtub became an elevator, and went down into a secret futuristic spy base far below the Squad house. Along the walls were the letters “IMCA,” standing for “International Minion Chat Agency.” “Wow, we haven’t needed this spy hideout since the dark times…” Moch pointed out, as everyone gathered around the briefing table. On a big screen, a mysterious silhouette appeared with a voice modified through a computer. “Nice to see you again, International Minion Chat agents.” Said D, the anonymous leader of the IMCA. “I presume you saw the news?” NC asked. “Yes, yes we did it. And we need you to stop it. This mission, should you choose to accept it, is to break into the Top Secret Macy’s Parade Facility and steal the Minion Balloon before it can be displayed in the parade than destroyed immediately after.” Explained D. “Don’t worry, I already have a plan for how to save the minion balloon.” Said NC. “Very good. I’ve ordered a private jet to bring you all to New York City. While you wait for them to arrive, let’s go over some new gadgets we have!” D explained. The five walked over to a turntable, with multiple gadgets turning along it. “These are the extra-sensory goggles. They allow you to see if someone is sneaking up behind you.” D explained. NC picked them up. “Aren’t these just those cheap goggles with rear-view mirrors?” NC pointed out. “...shut up.” D replied, and NC shrugged and pocketed them. The turntable then brought in a pen. “This isn’t just a normal pen… it’s a LASER pen. Ain’t that original?” “Not really, but I’ll take it!” Moch said, pocketing it as well. “Last up, here’s some live musical accompaniment!” D said, and the turntable turned to reveal a jazz band. They revved up into a James Bond-style score; and soon, the Minion Chat agents boarded the private jet and zoomed off to New York for their mission as the score played. “Alright NC, what’s our plan?” BJ asked. NC cracked his knuckles and began explaining his plan. Part 2: MinionEye While on their flight, NC began to tell everyone the plan. Everyone huddled in a circle as NC whispered the details. Soon, they arrived at the Top Secret Macy’s Parade Facility in New York City. “Step 1: Moch and BJ will be the sex appeal; Moch for everyone into women, and BJ for everyone into men. Their sex appeal is off the charts, so they’ll be the distractions.” NC’s voice narrated as the five agents put their plan into action. Moch walked into the facility, wearing nothing but lingerie, while BJ walked in wearing nothing but a speedo. “I’m lost, can you sweeties give me some directions?” Moch asked the guards, in the most flirtatious and seductive voice she could muster. “Uh, I’m lost too, I need directions too.” BJ muttered, winking. The guards excitedly tried to help both. “We got a hot spicy mamacita and a jumbo big daddy at Sector 5! They’re both SUPER sexy!” Said one guard into his radio. “Step 2: While the guards and workers are distracted, Comp will sneak into the computer room. She’ll use her super master hacker skills to hack into the mainframe.” NC’s voice continued to narrate. “Uh, guys?” Comp asked over her radio, as she was in the computer room. “I, uh, can’t figure out this computer…” She whispered. “What, I thought you said you were a master hacker?” JS replied over the radio. “I don’t know! Sombra makes it look way easier than it actually is!” Comp complained. “Wait, nevermind! They had a book under the desk titled ‘Hacking for Dummies.’ I’ll figure it out.” Comp read the book and did a bit of hacking. “Step 3: Once Comp hacks the vent airlock and turns it off, this will allow JS and I to sneak into the facility’s one entrance that isn’t guarded; the vents. From here, we’ll crawl through the ventilation shafts to the vault where the deflated minion balloon is hidden.” NC continued to explain in his narration. “Step 4: From the vents, JS will tie a wire around me then slowly lower me into the vault where the Minion Balloon is. From there, I’ll have to pick the lock of the safe it’s kept in. If there’s any sound, any change in temperature, or if anything touches the floor, an alarm will go off. So I have to be extremely careful.” NC explained. JS lowered NC down into the vault slowly. As NC reached the height of the safe, he pulled out a lock pick and began picking the lock; all while making absolutely no sound. In the vents, JS was steadily lowering NC down, when a rat crawled up to JS in the vents. The rat crawled up to JS’s face, and was about to bite it, when JS let go of the rope, grabbed the rat, shoved it into his warm and moist cavern where it couldn’t bother him, then grabbed the rope again. Back in the vault, NC dropped and was about to hit the floor before JS grabbed the rope again. He was hanging, less than inch above the ground, trying to keep his balance and not touch the motion sensors. It was suspiciously like that other movie with the mission that’s not possible. A drop of sweat dripped from NC’s brow but he managed to catch it with his hand before it hit the floor. He then thought about the minion balloon he was about to save and started to have a boner. NC tried to shift his balance so the boner didn’t hit the floor, and it was about to extend too far when JS finally gathered the strength to pull NC back up. Once NC was next to the safe again, he continued to pick the lock until the safe cracked open. Inside was the deflated minion balloon, ready to be inflated again. He grabbed it and signaled to JS to be lifted up, when the door to the vault opened. “Alright, time to get this balloon ready- WHAT?” Said the guard who was about to extract the balloon, then saw NC stealing it. The guard slammed an alarm button and the alarm went off across the entire facility. “ABORT! ABORT THE MISSION!” Shouted NC into his radio. JS quickly pulled NC back up and they hurried back into the vents. They shuffled back through the vents to the outside of the facility, where BJ, Moch, and Comp were waiting. Part 3: The Spy Who Succ’d Me The five agents crouched along the wall, hiding as cops began to circle the building “Quick, we need a way out!” Moch whispered as cops began to come close to them. NC looked nervously around for an idea, seeing nothing but a parade balloon inflator. Then he had an idea. “Make a perimeter around the building! We can’t let them escape!” Shouted a cop as he got out of the cop car. Several civilians nearby were panicking. “Look, it’s a bird!” Shouted one bystander, pointing to the sky. “No, it’s a plane!” Shouted another. “No, it’s a minion!” Shouted a cop. Up above, NC, BJ, JS, Moch, and Comp were making their escape on the now fully inflated Minion Parade Balloon. “Quick, after them!” Shouted one of the cops. They gathered back into their cop cars and began to make quick pursuit of the flying runaway Minion Balloon. Up on the balloon, the agents were holding on tightly. “Shit, how do we steer this thing? How do we not fall to our deaths?” Comp screamed. “I know! Moch and Comp, go stick yourselves in the minion’s butthole! You’ll be safe there!” NC commanded, and the two girls climbed down and stuck themselves in the butthole. “BJ and JS, crawl into the minion’s foreskin, you’ll have space there too!” BJ and JS climbed down to the crotch and hung on tightly. “I’ll steer from up here!” NC shouted, as he took the balloon strings and used them to steer. Soon, NC was flying above New York City, guiding the Minion Balloon in flight between the buildings, making tight turns and staying ahead of the cop cars in pursuit. One cop aimed their gun at the minion’s crotch and a hole popped in the balloon, right around the crotch. “Oh no! There’s a hole, we’re screwed!” Shouted NC. “Not if I have any say!” BJ shouted. BJ took a huge breath then placed his mouth against the minion balloon’s crotch hole, blowing into it and stopping it from leaking air. He continued to do this as NC steered the balloon through the city. Meanwhile, back at the Squad house, everyone was sitting around glumly. “Come on guys, let’s at least watch the parade so we can enjoy the Minion balloon one last time.” Danny suggested. They turned on the TV to see a bunch of cop cars racing through New York City, chasing after the runaway Minion Balloon being driven by NC. “As you can see, some people have stolen the Minion Balloon, and are taking it on a rampage through the city! One of them is on top, two of them are hiding in the butthole, and one is even sucking off the minion right on it’s dick! How obscene!” Shouted the TV announcer. Everyone in the squad recognized their friends and their jaws dropped. Back in New York, NC was piloting the Minion when he got a radio transmission from D. “I called a plane to come and save you guys! Hold on just a bit longer!” D commanded. A plane with the IMCA logo raced by, and NC grappled one of the balloon strings to the plane and it dragged them far away from the city and cops. The plane landed hundreds of miles away in an empty field, where they let the Minion Ballon deflate. NC, JS, Moch, and Comp slid off the balloon, and BJ practically collapsed after succing the minion balloon for so long. “D would like to give a special, in-person message to you agents.” Said one ICMA agent. Everyone gasped, realizing they would finally see D’s secret identity. From the plane emerged none other than Daisy56. “Daisy56? You’re the leader of the International Minion Chat Agency?” JS shouted, in shock. “Yes, yes I am. I’ve come here in person to thank you all. You saved the agency in one of our darkest hours.” Daisy56 explained. “So I’m here to give you all our highest honor: The Minion Medal.” “The Minion Medal? Holy shit!” BJ replied. Daisy56 bestowed the five agents their rewards. “You did an especially great job, Agent 069.” Daisy said as she gave NC his medal. “Now, let’s take you all home.” The agents folded up the deflated minion balloon and crowded back into the plane and zoomed off back to the Squad house. A few hours later, BJ, JS, NC, Moch, and Comp walked into the Squad house where the rest of the Squad was waiting. “Guys?! What the FUCK were you doing in New York City?” Ace asked. “Why were you guys stealing that balloon?” Juno intoggerated. “Why wasn’t I invited?” Randal asked. The five agents looked at each other awkwardly. “Oh, that wasn’t us! That was uh, our doppelgangers! Not us at all!” Comp explained. “Yeah, we were uh, fishing!” BJ exclaimed. “Do people still fish?” Everyone was skeptical of their excuses.. “Wait, where did NC go? Didn’t he walk in with us?” JS questioned. “Yeah, where’s Moch too?” Comp said. Back in NC’s room, Moch was naked and NC was taking off his spy tuxedo. The two began to have hot passionate sex. As NC fucked his girl, a rendition of the James Bond theme “Diamonds Are Forever ” started to play. A female voice began to sing over NC and Moch’s sex: : “Minions are sexy, : They are all I need to please me, : They can stimulate and tease me, '' : ''They won't leave in the night, '' : ''I've no fear that they might desert me. '' : ''Minions are sexy, '' : ''Hold one up and then caress it, '' : ''Touch it, '' : ''stroke it and undress it, '' : ''I can see every part, '' : ''Nothing hides in the heart to hurt me.” As the screen faded away from Moch and NC’s making out, it cut to a scene suspiciously similar to the iconic James Bond opening; NC walked in, cumshot directly at the screen, and the band’s James Bond-esque score played one last time. Chapter 2 - The Squad Thanksgiving Story Part 1: The Squadgrims Late that Thanksgiving day, the Squad was gathering around a table to have a delicious feast. Along the table was delicious turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and more. Everyone was stuffing their mouths with scrumptious turkey, with one exception; BJ and JS were stuffing their mouths with each other’s tongues. “No offense guys, you are woah double daddies and all, but can you not make out at the dinner table?” Asked Comp. “Yeah, there’s a time and place for finding out what that mouth do and this is not it.” Randal added. “Wow, guys, I’m disappointed. If you knew the true story behind Thanksgiving, you wouldn’t be asking us to stop.” BJ scoffed. “OMG, are you gonna tell them your secret family story?” Asked JS, excitedly. “Secret family story?” Ace inquired. “Okay, NOW I’m interested.” “Ooh, is it family dinner table story time? I usually hate that, but a sexy daddy story from BJ should be great.” Said Moch. “Alright, so… our story begins hundreds of years ago, sometime in the 1600s, in London, England.” BJ began his story. “My great ancestor and namesake, Bowser & Jr Sr, who also went by BJ for short, was the co-head of a group of people known as the Squadgrims. He was co-head with his husband Johnne Severe, or JS for short. Our tale begins, with a new law being passed in England that changed the course of history forever...” Back in 1669, BJ picked up a newspaper with a headline baring dreadful news. “Oh no…” He uttered. BJ pocketed the newspaper and headed down the street to the Squadgrim residence. Together, these band of friends lived in a small, but comfortable London apartment. As BJ walked in, he affectionately pet the Squad pet (Robin’s ancestor, Robin), before calling a meeting. “What did ya call us down for? This is the 17th century, we have life spans of like, a week. I don’t want to waste any time.” Said Moch’s ancestor, “Moch But With a 17th Century Name,” or Moch for short. “Come on, we have lifespans longer than that.” Juno replied. “Tell that to the Black Plague. I’m telling you, it’s gonna come back soon!” Moch snapped back. “Is the black plague daddy?” Asked NC. “Quiet everybody!” BJ shushed. “I have something important to announce… and it’s related to what NC just said.” Everybody screamed and panicked. “I KNEW IT! WE’RE DEAD! THE BLACK PLAGUE IS BACK AND IT’S GONNA CRAWL INTO OUR WARM AND MOIST CAVERNS, then give us tumors that cause or bodies to rot and-” “NO, THE PLAGUE ISN’T RETURNING! I was talking about the daddy part.” said BJ. “Oh… that was terrible wording man, just saying.” Danny pointed out. “Yeah, I realize that now.” BJ pulled out the newspaper he saw earlier and held it up for everyone to see. “They’re banning any discussion, admiration, or even mention of daddies in England.” BJ explained. Everyone gasped. “Oh no… THIS IS EVEN WORSE THAN THE PLAGUE!” Comp screamed. Vincent and Hunter began to shudder at the very thought of a daddy-less future, Moch cried into NC’s arms, and JS was shaken. Even the ace trio of Ace, Randal, and Juno, were distraught. “That’s terrible! King Faves has stooped low before, but I never thought would never police us that bad...” Ace murmured. “SILENCE!” BJ shouted. “My dudes, do not worry. If we can’t appreciate our daddies here…” BJ looked at JS tenderly, and then faced his friends again. “...then we’ll appreciate them somewhere else! I propose… we migrate!” The next morning, the Squadgrims stood along a dock, in front of the grand and majestic ship, the Mayflower… just as it was being sold, to the pilgrims. “Uh, sir, do you have any other large boats for people trying to leave the country?” BJ asked the boat salesman. “Well, that was our last Mayflower model. But we do have it’s MUCH cheaper and smaller ripoff brand, the Juneweed.” The salesman pointed to a small, moldy, run-down boat. “Does the weed part mean weeds that you’d find on your lawn, or uh… weed weed?” BJ asked. The salesman replied with a soft smirk, and BJ figured out the answer. So BJ and JS used all of their money to buy the Juneweed, and all of the friends packed their belongings and brought them onto the ship. They set sail, leaving the daddy oppression of Britain behind as they searched for a new country. BJ and JS were proclaimed captains, and Ace was elected as the responsible first mate. “Alright, who wants to sleep in the scat deck?” Moch asked, once they hit the seas. “Oh. My. God. PLEASE stop calling the poop deck that.” Vincent said. Before he could scold Moch’s weird fetishes anymore, Ace called everyone down. “Guys! Come down here, I found the weed supply!” Ace shouted. Everybody, except for BJ and JS who were plotting their trip in the captain’s cabin, dashed below the deck and found a secret closet down there, full of weed. “I think we dump it, the last thing we need is to get high-” “NOW IT’S A PARTY!” NC shouted, and him and Moch pulled out bongs and immediately got high as fuck. “Fine, but I’m not gonna get high. I want to be a good first mate to our-” Before Ace could finish, everything started becoming blurry and colorful. “I’m second-hand high now, aren’t I?” “Yes, yes you are.” Replied Robin, who was now standing on two legs and being voiced by Danny DeVito. “Are you guys seeing this?” Ace asked Juno and Randal. “Yep… can somebody pass me a bong? Might as well get full-high if I can’t avoid it...” Said Juno. “Here’s one, kiddo. Use it wisely.” Said Robin. Then Randal, Juno, Ace, and the rest of the Squad joined everyone in weed hijinx. “Guys, the food we packed is really dry. You think if I dump it into the water it’ll taste better?” Said a slightly high Randal. “WELL FUCK YEAH!” Shouted Jasmine. Everyone began enthusiastically throwing the entire food supply into the ocean. BJ and JS left the captain’s cabin, walking onto the commotion. BJ sighed. “...we made a huge mistake.” Part 2: The New Country It was three months later, and the Squadgrims were miserable. After the whole “throwing out the entire food” fiasco, they were left with little food. Most survived off fishing, except for a few who tried to resort to vore. “Mmmf, gobble me up NC! I’m a delicious meal!” Moch whispered seductively. NC sweated; he knew he shouldn’t eat his bae, but he was starving and vore is sexy. He was about to eat her anyway when he was interrupted by a shout. “I’M A HO!!!” Shouted Vincent. “Wait, that’s not what the phrase is… oh yeah! LANDHO!” Everyone ran to the dock to see land, straight ahead. Everyone cheered triumphantly, and BJ steered the ship to shore. “Alright, you all stay on the ship! Me and BJ will explore this land and greet any locals!” JS said, as him and BJ disembarked. BJ and JS wandered through the forest, and eventually came across a tribe of Native American Wampanoag people. Here, BJ and JS greeted Squanto. “Hello natives, I am Bowser & Jr Sr. I am the burly captain of the S.S. Juneweed, and I have arrived here after a perilous three-month journey from the distant country of England. We humbly ask that me and my Squadgrim people can create a small settlement here, to escape the anti-daddy oppressions we faced in our old home.” “Of course! You guys seem better than those white pilgrim assholes we have to deal with. Welcome to America!” Greeted Squanto. “Thank you so much!” JS shook Squanto’s hand. “So, need any help adjusting here?” Squanto offered. “Pffft, we’ll be fine. I consider myself a great leader, so we’ll easily be able to manage living here.” Three months later, the Squadgrims were not easily managing living there. At all. Everyone was huddling together around a fire as snow blew rampantly in all directions. The Squadgrims were suffering through their very first harsh American winter. “So cold… so hungry…” Uttered Comp. “I don’t know what you guys are talking about… I brought us some delicious popsicles!” Said Juno. “I don’t want to insult your cooking Juno, but those were just frozen-over sticks. I need real food.” Randal replied. “Well, I-” Moch started. “STOP ASKING TO BE VORED!” Everyone shouted in response. “Well, I’ve got nothing for the food, but I do know a way to stay warm.” Said BJ. “If we all lay together naked in our tent, it’ll preserve our body heat.” Randal, Juno, and Ace looked at each other. “Yeah, we’ll take the freezing thank you very much.” Ace said. Meanwhile, the rest huddled together either naked or partially clothed to preserve body heat. Dan and Emmy cuddled while mostly clothed, BJ and JS spooned while almost naked, Vincent held Robin close to keep the cat warm, and NC, Comp, and Moch had to resist their urges to have a threesome. “Um… dumb question but, why don’t we just ask the Native Americans for help? Didn’t they offer us their help?” Hunter asked, while huddled. “I guess so, but… I want to be a strong leader. I want to be a true daddy in the only land where I can be a daddy. Am I truly a strong leader if I leech off others for help?” BJ asked. “Wait wait wait… you mean the reason we’re awkwardly huddling together in the cold while starving is because you’re scared to ask?” Danny asked. “Y-yeah…” BJ answered. Danny walked up to BJ. “Two things, BJ. First of all, you are an amazing person. You’re a strong leader, a passionate man, and a sexy af daddy. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak, it never does! That’s an important lesson in life to learn. Second of all-” “WE’RE FUCKING COLD AND STARVING MAN GO GET THEM!” Shouted Emmy. “YEAH, WHAT SHE SAID!” Said Danny. Everyone nodded in agreement, so BJ and JS put their clothes back on, left the tent, and trudged through the cold to the Wampanoag village. By the next morning, Squanto and several other Native Americans were with the Squadgrims, teaching them how to hunt, grow crops, and survive in the harsh terrain. And over the course of the next year, the natives lived with, bonded with, and worked with the Squadgrims, teaching them the ways of the land and how to survive and flourish. Chapter 3: The First Thanksgiving It’s been over a year since the Squadgrims arrived in America, and they were now living in a flourishing community. The Native Americans taught the Squadgrims how to grow crops, hunt, and build cabins to stay in. And since it’s been so long, the Squadgrims started to prepare a feast to show thanks. BJ started the plan. “Alright, let’s get cooking! Me and JS will cook the turkey, Dan and Emmy make us some mashed potatoes, Vincent and Hunter make us some stuffing, Ace, Randal, and Juno can cook us some ham, and-” “...and I will prepare myself to be vored as part of the meal!” Shouted Moch. “I…” BJ didn’t even have the energy to protest anymore, and nor did anyone else. The Squad got cooking, creating a huge feast to share between themselves and the natives. Once they were done, they called the natives and the squad together. “We’d just like to thank the Wampanoags for helping us survive this land’s harsh environment, and helping us thrive today. We dedicate this feast in thanks of your giving.” BJ announced. Everyone cheered to his toast and dug into the delicious meal. “I’m so proud of you for planning this day, bae.” JS whispered to his lover. BJ blushed and kissed JS on the cheek, who in turn started to make out with BJ. “Woah, woah, woah, nobody told me it’d be that kind of party…” Said Squanto, as he noticed BJ and JS making love. “Well, it isn’t-” “Because I fucking love that idea.” He said. The Squadgrims and the Natives echoed that statement. “Well, it can be if you want to!” BJ replied, and then the orgy began. BJ, JS, Squanto, and several of the natives and Squadgrims laid naked in a circle of fucking. JS poured mashed potato onto BJ’s naked body and began to succ it off. Vincent had hot sex with a European settler he met named Niles. Ace, Randal, and Juno took this as an opportunity to have the rest of the food to themselves, and Dan and Emmy simply cuddled instead of joining in on the literal clusterfuck going on right beside them. As the orgy died down hours later, BJ and JS cuddled together naked, covered in cum and in mashed potato and gravy. “That was exhilarating! We should make this a tradition!” Said JS. “That’s a great idea! From this day onward, the last Thursday of every November should be… Thanky Fucky Day!” Shouted BJ. “And then the next year they renamed it Thanksgiving! The End!” Narrated modern BJ, back in the Squad house in the present, finishing up his story. Back in the present, everyone finished up their food, but were still sitting by the table listening to BJ’s story. “Oh my god, I can’t believe our great ancestors created Thanksgiving! That’s beautiful, I’m so sorry I asked you guys to stop kissing.” Said Comp. “Bullshit! Everybody knows they didn’t actually serve turkey on the first Thanksgiving and that’s just a widespread inaccuracy.” Ace scoffed. “What the fuck? You’re wrong Ace, haven’t you seen Free Birds?” NC replied. “You know… what if we have a Thanksgiving orgy this year? In honor of our ancestors!” Said Moch. There was a very long beat in the conversation. “As sexy as that sounds… I’m stuffed. I don’t have the energy for hot lesbian sex right now.” Comp said. Everyone nodded. “Good point. Oh yeah, I just remembered! BLACK FRIDAY TIME!” Moch shouted. Moch, Ace, Comp, BJ, JS, NC, and Randal got up from the table. “Oh boy, you guys stay safe out there.” Juno said. “Pfft, what can possibly go wrong on Black Friday?” Ace replied. As everyone got into the Squadmobile, Ace called out: “BestMartStop, here we come!” “Oh yeah BJ, what were me, Comp, and NC’s ancestors doing in the orgy? You didn’t mention them at all.” Moch asked, while in the car. “Oh yeah, I completely forgot!” BJ remembered. “Moch, NC, and Comp stole the Juneweed earlier that day…” Back in the 1600s, Moch, NC, and Comp’s ancestors were commandeering the Juneweed as everyone else was having the feast. “If they won’t accept our weird kinks like vore, we’ll just migrate again!” Moch shouted. “We’ll make our own country! With blackjack! And strippers! And vore! And weed!” “Wait, we packed the weed, right?” NC asked. “Yep! A whole load of cannabis, right below.” Comp replied. “Cannabis, huh? That gives me an idea for what we should name our new country…” Moch murmured. Months later, the NCompichino trio docked their ship on the shore of a different land, far north above where the Squadgrims settled before. Moch began a speech as she planted a flagpole into the ground. “This county will be built on the values of sexy kinks. We’ll accept the kinks that might be kinkshamed elsewhere; like vore, scat, and more. And we’ll do it all while smoking a ton of weed! I proclaim this fair country as the nation of Canada!” Chapter 3 - Mad Moch: Fury Road Chapter 1: Mad Moch A band of super-armored cars was speeding through the blazing hot desert. The cars drove in an arrow formation, and each of them were covered in armor, spikes, and weapons. In the lead, was a huge, armored bus. At the tip of that car’s hood stood Moch, tied up to the front of the hood, facing forward with a cage blocking her mouth. She braced her face from the wind and sands as the bus zipped through the desert. Then, everything around her freeze-framed and she looked directly at the screen. “You’re probably wondering how I got myself in this kerfuffle.” said Jenny. “Well that’s a looong story!” Suddenly, the Full House theme song began playing and the screen cut to an opening shot of San Francisco. The title appears, spelling out “Mad Moch: Black Friday Road”. The theme song shows the cast: Mad Moch, Furiacea, Immortan Scalper, and the rest (which showed NC, BJ, JS, Randal, and Jasmine). The theme song ends and cuts to the next scene, taking place the night before. Moch, Ace, Randal, Jasmine, BJ, JS, and NC were sitting on a curb outside of a BestMartStop. Moch was voicing a narration: “My name is Moch. My world is… relatively fine, actually. Not fire. Or blood. Once, I was an amiibo collector; a road warrior searching for the rarest Toys to Life figures. As they became more common, my world was broken. It’s hard to tell who is more crazy… me, or everyone else… actually, most of us are fine. My world wasn’t actually broken at all, amiibo being common is way more convenient. Well, there’s still one guy that has issues, but we’ll get to him later. ANYWAY...” Moch (the one waiting outside in the past) spoke: “Man, there is SO many good Black Friday deals this year!” “Yeah, I can finally get a PS4 and Overwatch!” shouted Ace. “I was gonna take advantage of some BOGO Deals for Toys to Life Figures.” said Moch. “Heh… Bogo…” said BJ. Before anyone could have any sexy daydreams, an employee from BestMartStop came outside. “Sorry folks, we’re not opening at midnight tonight. The apartment complex across the street requested that we don’t open until the morning and we can’t allow anybody to camp out, either.” said the employee. “Aw great, what are we gonna do now? Spend time with our families? That sounds awful!” said Moch. Everyone disappointedly got up and left, packing back into their van, the Squadmobile. “Oh well. Tomorrow we can race to the store and hit up all of those deals!” said Ace as they drove the group home. The next day, the friends packed into the Squadmobile to head back to BestMartStop. However, they were quickly stopped by a huge traffic jam. Ace opened up the window and shouted outside: “What’s the hold up?” A traffic cop walked up and said “Sorry, there was a huge accident down the road and it’s blocking up traffic.” “I just want to make it to BestMartShop for some Black Friday deals!” said Ace. “You can always take the alternate route through the Perilous Desert of Doom.” said the cop, gesturing to the previously unseen Perilous Desert of Doom just to their right. “Eh, alright.” said Ace. They turned the van to just outside the desert, stopped by a shack that said “Armory,” placed a bunch of armor and weapons along the side of the van, and then raced into the desert. Soon, Ace was driving their friends through the perilous desert, as sand blew in all directions. “Yeesh, this part of town is scary. Do you know where we’re going? said Ace. “I think I’m lost…” “How about we ask those guys over there for directions?” Moch pointed at a band of huge, super-armored cars to her right. Ace drove in that direction and Moch rolled down her window. “Hey guys, can we have some-” Before Moch could finish, the man in the car next to them turned their head; revealing they had a mask, showing large sharp teeth and venomous eyes. He looked suspiciously like Immortan Joe from Mad Max: Fury Road. “GOD YOU’RE UGLY” shouted Moch when she saw the man. “Did you dare insult Immortan Scalper?” shouted the man. “Minions… GET THEM!” “Heh, minions…” said JS. Moch sat back awkwardly as Ace glared at her. “Really? ‘GOD YOU’RE UGLY’? That’s how you greet him?” Ace shouted. “Well… are you telling me I’m wrong?” said Moch. Before they could argue any further, Immortan Scalper commanded his followers to chase after their car. Ace put their foot on the gas harder and zoomed off, as the other cars trailed behind. The other cars began launching rockets at fire at the gang, which Ace quickly swerved to avoid. “Quick, drive into that canyon, maybe there will be an escape!” shouted Moch, pointing at a small crack in a butte. (“Heh, butte…” said NC.) Ace drove into it, only to be followed by the enemy cars. However, they soon realized their mistake. Inside that canyon was a huge lair; along the side was a massive dam, filled to the brim with the latest electronics, appliances, and toys in high demand. A mob of scrappy, desperate people crowded beneath, begging for a mere glimpse at the loot. Shouts were heard from the crowd. “I need that NES Mini for my kid!” “I need that discounted microwave!” “I’m begging you, I NEED THAT PS4 PRO!” Past that dam and mob was a huge stadium, with two huge seating areas on both sides. Ace pulled to a stop in the middle of the stadium to take in where they were. “What. The. Fuck.” said Ace, looking all around them. The cars in pursuit stopped behind them as well, and Immortan Scalper jumped out of his vehicle. “Hah! Newcomers, I see. Welcome to… the SCALPERDOME!” Chapter 2: Beyond Scalperdome “Oh my god! You’re a scalper! That explains all of those things you have hoarded in that reservoir! You’re going to resell them!” said Moch. “Yes, Scalper *is* in the name. How about a deal. We let you escape, and take all of the stuff you want...” “I very much like that idea.” said Ace. “...if you beat us in the SCALPERDOME!” “You know, I’m having second thoughts…” Before the Squad could protest, two even larger tanks emerged into the stadium. Their armour was made of broken down appliances and the tech was from remade computers and game consoles. One tank was shooting scalding hot water from a dishwasher, while the other was shooting fire from an overheating Xbox 360. Immortan Joe climbed to a watchtower and banged a gong. “FIGHT!” “So, you have your license right?” asked Moch. “Yes, why?” asked Ace. “Does that cover being chased by massive scalper tanks bent on our destruction?” asked Moch. “Yes actually, but I totally bullshitted that part of the driver’s test. So let’s… panic.” said Ace. They boosted off as the two scalper tanks chased after them. The scalding hot water and fire tracked after Ace’s movements, trailing just behind. “I knew I should have practiced battle mode in Mario Kart more- WAIT!” Ace turned around and pointed at Jasmine, who was playing Mario Kart 7 on her 3DS not even noticing what is going on. “Wh-?” Before Jasmine could finish, Ace swapped spots with Jasmine in the Squadmobile and she was driving. “Oh, this is a piece of cake. What are we doing? Balloon Battle? Coin Battle? Are we in Bone Dry Dunes?” Jasmine asked. “We’re in an actual canyon being chased by actual super-armored scalper deathmobiles.” said Moch. “...alright.” said Jasmine. She boosted away and started dodging the cars rapidly. Before Jasmine could dodge too long, a ball of fire hit the car and split it in half. Several guards ran up and grabbed NC, BJ, JS, Randal, and Jasmine. Before they could grab Moch and Ace, the two began running for their lives. “We have to split up!” Shouted Ace. “What? But-” “I have a plan, trust me!” Ace and Moch ran in different directions, with guards pursuing them both. Meanwhile, NC, BJ, JS, Randal, and Jasmine were thrown into a jail cell and forced to put on paltry robes. “How dare you treat my boyfriend and I like this!” screamed BJ. “Let me and bae go!” shouted JS. Immortan Scalper laughed. “Do you really think we’d let you go? You’re going to be our scalper slaves! When we go to stores that have stupid limits on what you could buy, YOU WILL BUY US MORE TO RESELL!” “NOOOO!!!!!!” they shouted. Immortan Scalper left the room and left several guards to watch after them. Then burst in Moch, now in apocalypse garb. “Don’t worry, I’m here to save you guys!” shouted Moch. She kicked one guard in the shin and then flip kicked the other as well. “Great, do you have the key?” asked Randal. “Uh…” before Moch could look for it, another guard got up. Moch smacked the guard in the face and he fell back over, but the key flung out of his belt and out a window. “...be right back.” Moch ran back downstairs, grabbed the key, and ran back upstairs, only to find the cell empty with a huge hole burst through it. Moch climbed into the cell and peeked out the hole, and saw the five captives crowding into another car being driven by Ace, who was also now wearing apocalypse clothing. “Woah, go Ace- er, Furiacea now, I guess? Go Furiacea!” Moch shouted, but before she could run over she was grabbed from behind by Immortan Scalper. “The prisoners are escaping! Everyone, to the cars!” shouted Immortan Scalper to his goons. “You’re coming with me, little… Mad Moch.” “Wow. What a forced fucking title drop-” Chapter 3: Black Friday Road A band of super-armored cars was speeding through the blazing hot desert. The cars drove in an arrow formation, and each of them were covered in armor, spikes, and weapons. Blah blah blah bus, blah blah blah Moch, blah blah blah sand. Once again, everything freeze-framed around Moch and she looked directly at the screen, like in the beginning. “So yeah, we’re back at the beginning.” said Moch. “And now you know how I got in this kerfuffle. How will we get out? I have absolutely no idea! God fucking help us.” The action began again, and Moch started screaming at the top of her lungs. The formation of cars was lead by the Scalpermobile, driven by Immortan Scalper with Moch stuck on the front. It was chasing after the Squadmobile 2.0, (a tricked out van that Ace stole from Immortan Scalper) which was being driven to freedom by Furiacea. “FURIACEA DON’T LEAVE I’M STUCK!” shouted Moch, still trapped. “What is Moch saying back there? Can you guys hear her?” asked Furiacea as they were driving the escape car. “I believe she said ‘Furiacea, don’t read Homestuck.’ Good advice.” said Randal, who was sitting in the backseat with the others. Back on the Scalpermobile, Moch was trying to wiggle free. She noticed a Scalper goon was driving a motorcycle nearby. “Psstt… scalper minion guy… I have a Rosalina amiibo… I’ll give it to you if you let me out.” whispered Moch. The scalper minion turned around to reveal the face of Mariotehplumber. “I HATE ROSALINA!!!” he shouted, and started spiraling his motorcycle in rage until he crashed into another armored car. This caused a huge explosion, leading to a chain reaction with several of Immortan Scalper’s cars crashing into each other. “...oops.” said Moch. While driving, Immortan Scalper saw what happened and screamed in anger. “You just took out half of my fleet! That’s it, I’m taking care of you, scum!” shouted Immortan Scalper. He got out of his driver’s seat, grabbed Moch, and was about to throw her off the edge of the car… Then BLAM! Furiacea kicked Immortan Scalper in the face and they landed dramatically on top of the Scalpermobile. Moch fell onto the hood and Immortan Scalper tumbled to the back. “You wanna fucking FIGHT man? I’LL FUCKING FIGHT YOU, BITCH!” shouted Furiacea. Immortan Scalper got up, cracked his knuckles, and got ready to fight them. “Get back to the Squadmobile, Moch!” Furiacea tossed Moch their grappling hook to get back. “Holy shit, thanks Ace! Did you get Jasmine to drive again?” Moch asked. “...oh shit, that would have been a better idea than-” Back at the Squadmobile 2.0, nobody was at the driver’s wheel. Everyone was screaming at the top of their lungs as the car ran into a pile of sand, then a cactus, then another car, then a car insurance billboard randomly in the middle of the desert, then more sand. Jasmine was once again playing Mario Kart 7 on her 3DS, not noticing the commotion around her. Moch grapple hooked back to the Squadmobile and took the wheel. She looked back to see Furiacea in an intense duel with Immortan Scalper. Furiacea was losing the lead in the fight, and was waiting for Moch to throw the grappling hook back. “MOCH, WHY WON’T YOU THROW THE GRAPPLING HOOK TO ME?” shouted Furiacea. “What did they say?!” Moch asked, from far ahead. “I believe they said ‘Moch, don’t you throw that grappling hook to me!’ Woah, they’re so good they don’t even need help!” said Randal. “Good for them!” Furiacea, back on top of the Scalpermobile, rolled their eyes and took it into their own hands. They gathered as much energy as they could and punched Immortan Scalper in the face, causing him to lose his balance and fall off the back of the car. Furiacea took the wheel and began to accelerate as fast as they could, eventually catching up with the Squadmobile 2.0. “Ace, you made it!” shouted Moch. Before they could do anything, Immortan Scalper turned out to still be alive, and climbed from the back of his car. Moch screamed, and Furiacea jumped to the Squadmobile, hopped into the driver’s seat then hitting the gas as hard as they could. Right ahead was another car insurance billboard right in the middle of the perilous desert; Ace swerved at the exact right moment and avoided it, and right behind Immortan Scalper and his goons crashed right into it. “I’LL GET YOU NEXT TIME, SCUM!” shouted Immortan Scalper from the wreckage, as Furiacea, Moch, and the prisoners drove away. Chapter 4: The Wasteland As the Squadmobile 2.0 left the Perilous Desert of Doom, the friends breathed a sigh of relief. They were still wearing their apocalypse garb in the apocalypse van, but they were safe. “Man, I’m glad we’re out of that dangerous desert and that we’re safe-” said Moch, but before she could finish, Ace saw a squirrel in the middle of the road and swerved, driving off the road, onto a hill, where the car flipped over multiple times as it rolled down. It finally settled on a flat parking lot, where everyone in the car sat in silence and horror. “...okay NOW are we safe?” said Moch. “I… guess.” said Ace. “So uh… where to now?” asked Randal. “Hmm… oh! I’ll take us to a place… I’ve heard it in legend… some call it Valhalla, the Promised Land.” said Ace. They began driving and eventually arrived at Valhalla. Jasmine called out: “Oh my god, it’s BestMartStop! We finally made it!” she squeed in excitement.. “FINALLY!” everyone shouted. “BLACK FRIDAY DEALS!” They jumped out of the car and excitedly ran into the store, only to find its stock completely empty; a wasteland of empty aisles and departments. “W-where is everything?” said Moch. The BestMartStop employee from last night was standing up front. “Sorry folks, everything is sold out.” said the employee. “B-but… the store opens at eight!” said Ace, desperately. “What, have you been trapped in an evil scalper’s desert lair for the past few hours?” sneered the sarcastic employee. “It’s noon! We’ve been out of stock for hours. We don’t have anything.” The sentence rung in Ace’s head as they processed what he said. They fell to their knees, letting out an extremely dramatic “NOOOO!!!!!!!” “This can’t be possible! All of that danger... for nothing?” said Moch. BJ and JS held each other sadly, NC and Randal sat glumly on the floor, and Jasmine started tearing up. Everyone stood there silently and sadly for a few minutes. Ace slowly and dramatically rose from the floor. “No…” “It’s over, Ace. There’s nothing we can do.” uttered Moch, in despair. “Yes there is…” “What? What can we possibly do???” “...we have to go back.” whispered Ace. “What? To the Scalperdome? Are you out of your mind?” argued Moch. “They have all the stock in the world. We can get it! Not just for us, but for all of the innocent people who have been wronged by those nasty scalpers! If not us, who will? We have to stand up! We have to stand together! WE HAVE TO FIGHT BACK!” Ace shouted triumphantly, and everyone else rose together and cheered. “Well… if we’re doing this. We need a plan.” said Moch. “I have one.” said Ace, and they pointed at the next-door shop: Explosives R’ Us, which was just opening. “Oh no…” said Moch, looking at all of the explosives through a window. “Oh yes.” said Ace, cracking their knuckles. Chapter 5: The Return Back in the Perilous Desert of Doom, Immortan Scalper and his goons were sitting inside the Scalperdome. Immortan Scalper was sitting on his throne (made out of scalped NES Mini boxes) when a guard ran in. “An armored vehicle is quickly approaching, sir! Shall I ready the defenses?” said the guard. “What? Lemme see!” Immortan Scalper stood up and looked into binoculars. He saw the Squadmobile 2.0 zooming through the desert back to the Scalperdome. Furiacea was standing on the hood, holding a rocket launcher, and wearing sunglasses. Scalper dramatically put down the binoculars and said “Prepare the fleet.” “The fleet was destroyed.” “Well… fuck.” Moch drove the Squadmobile, Furiacea stood on the hood dramatically, and BJ, JS, NC, Jasmine, and Randal were leaning out the window carrying rockets, grenades, and bombs. They launched bombs at the watchtowers, knocking them down. “DIE, DIE, DIE!” shouted NC, laughing maniacally as flames arose around him. “EAT DEATH, ASSHOLES!” shouted BJ as he launched a grenade at the stadium. “I AM THE GODDESS OF DESTRUCTION!” shouted Jasmine as she launched fiery balls of death at her opponents. Since Moch was driving and not contributing to the destruction, she was reasonably freaked out. “Wow. They went mad with power. Yet I’m supposed to be Mad Moch. God, I hate dramatic irony.” Immortan Scalper ran from his throne room screaming, as the stadium began to crumble. “MY KINGDOM! MY PEOPLE! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!” The Squadmobile came to a halt right in front Immortan Scalper. Ace, still standing on the hood, aimed the rocket launcher directly at his face. Immortan Scalper froze in fear, and Ace took off their sunglasses for just one second. “I guess you can say it…” Ace put their sunglasses back on. “Blew up in your face.” Ace pulled the trigger on the rocket launcher and blew up Immortan Scalper. Everybody in the squad cheered together. Ace ran up to the dam, where the crowd of rugged people still gathered, and launched a rocket at the wall. It burst, and all of the hoarded Black Friday products flooded down to the citizens. Everyone grabbed what they wanted; Ace grabbed a PS4 with Overwatch, Moch grabbed multiple LEGO Dimensions packs, Jasmine grabbed multiple Waluigi amiibo, Randal grabbed the Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong amiibo, and NC grabbed a sexy dakimakura. JS grabbed several Disney Infinity figures and BJ grabbed a Wii U. “I can’t wait to play with all of these Disney Infinity figures in the continually supported hit game Disney Infinity, right?” JS said. “Yes! And I’m gonna get so much mileage of this great Nintendo system that surely has plenty of years ahead!” BJ said. Jasmine grabbed everyone together for a group hug. “I’m so glad it all worked out!” She said, and everyone smiled and nodded as they hugged. “Yep! Wanna go blow more things up?” said Ace. “Wait, what?” said Moch. “Hell yeah!” said everyone but Moch. “Guys, no!” said Moch. “You all realize that blowing things up is still a felony outside of the Perilous Danger of Doom, right?” “Oh… yeah... fine…” said Jasmine. She whispered to the others. “Wanna have an explosion party once Moch’s gone?” Everyone nodded in agreement. Everyone got back together in the Squadmobile and headed home. Once they arrived at the Squad house, they walked back in, still covered in sand and apocalypse garb. “Woah woah woah, what happened to you guys?” said Hunter. Everyone stood there awkwardly for about a minute. “...car trouble.” said Moch. “Ah.” “I got a Donkey Kong amiibo!” shouted Randal. “Great!” replied Hunter. Everyone laughed together and the camera freeze-framed and the Full House credits theme began to play. Moch began to narrate again, over the credits. “So that’s my story. In the end… who was truly more mad? Me? The scalpers? Or my friends who I may have accidentally turned into pyromaniacs? The world may never know… thank you for watching Mad Moch-” Ace interrupted Moch’s narration with their own narration. “C’mon, Moch. Are you still trying to peg yourself as the main character?” “I- what?” “I saved everyone, I had majority of the cool moments, I fucking fought the bad guy twice. You just got us into this situation and got yourself trapped. This story should be called Mad Furiacea… just saying.” Ace pointed out. “I- wow. Blocked.” said Moch. “That’s it, I’m ending the fic now. THE END, BITCHES!” Category:Pages by Captain Moch Category:Holiday Specials Category:Specials